Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Better than Clocky

What could sell better than a furry little alarm clock made by an oh-so-rare single (presumably) female engineer cum entrepreneur? It just can't go wrong: it has the "cute" factor going for it in each and every way. The MIT educated Ms. Gauri- something (these Indians - we have such complicated surnames) came up with a furry contraption which roams around the house making a racket at the waking hour. Much like the rooster in the days of old. Clocky, she calls it. If Marc Abrahams notices, it must be significant.

I don't want to be-little Ms. Nanda's idea, so I will desist from doing so explicitly. Suffice it to say that she is not the first person who has had such an idea. I have had such ideas on numerous occasions and am in fact using one on a regular basis. You see, I have one of those Bose wave radio thingamajigs. These things can be operated only by remote control. They have an FM - Radio alarm clock function too. What I do before sleeping, of course, is toss my remote control into one of the heaps of unwashed clothes that surround my bed. The alarm is usually set to a show called "The Big Show" with a couple of moronic rednecks called John Boy and Billy. In my opinion, these two are the most repugnant purveyors of excrement that can be found on this planet. Every minute of their show is pure torture. You can understand the urgency that the waker-upper is faced with when his ears are confronted with this show. The remote is searched for desperately, and in searching for the same, a wake-up is affected.

A few more schemes are suggested below. Each of them, I am sure is more effective than "clocky".

First, the door bell ringer. Rather than the alarm clock, the door bell rings in the a.m. The door must be answered. The person wakes up. A lukewarm cup of fresh coffee can be poured onto the profile of the asleep, of course. Temperatures below 40C must be ascertained, lest scalding be a problem. And pray, what would one think of the oven going on at a preset time? If you don't wake up and turn it off, your electricity bill will go through the roof. And what about programming your phone to call up an arbitrary number in Pakistan at a preset time? [$1 connection fee, 50c per minute]. You will have to get up to cancel the call.

Too bad I can't patent these ideas and sell them to unsuspecting people like Ms. Nanda is tying to. Wait. This is America. Maybe I can. They patent everything in this country. If they can patent Basmati, then I am sure the oven-alarm clock will be patented too. These are exciting times we're living in. And in a land where a rich sucker is born every minute, the usa. [Of the 5 suckers born in India every minute, 4.89, alas are poor.]

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