Thursday, July 07, 2005

Applications of Murphy's Laws

People tend to disregard Murphy's laws as mere frivolities, seldom taking them seriously. But the truth is that these laws are as fundamental to modern science as Newton's laws and the laws of thermodynamics.

The laws of thermodynanmics have played a pivotal role in designing everything from power plants to air conditioners and Newton's laws in the development of dynamic equipment. Murphy's laws are not to be scoffed at either. They find extensive application in metereology, economics (both macro and micro), as well as home science. We shall analyze this exciting new field of science.

This article shall hopefully convince governments to introduce Murphology as a subject in universities and colleges - as well as adopt it in five year plans. Corporate India can also use this exciting new science to build fitter, leaner and more profitable corporations.

Perhaps the most significant use of Murphy's law is in Metereology. Some drought relief measures are suggested.

Cricket matches have been used in eternally water starved cities as weapons against drought. Scheduling cricket matches (whose stands are usually full) in rain starved areas seldom fails to attract heavy downpours. This is such a well known fact that the city of Chennai gets its 1200mm of annual rainfall exclusively through the same.

Mathematically, it is proposed that a non dimensional number, M, called the Murphy pressure be defined - a positive value indicates favourable conditions to the outcome. For instance, composite Murphy pressure is the sum of the Rain and extreme heat during a cricket match. Since the sum is positive, rain shall occur.

Climate control is possible using other Murphy methods besides cricket: a mass purchase of umbrellas is indicative of an impending dry spell; large scale construction work of a cyclone, adequate earthquake warning a precursor to a long spell of zero-earth quakes. The Tsunami warning system is being thought of more as a preventative measure than a warning measure.

The easiest method to make money in a stock market is to do extensive market research; select a few companies to invest money in using all the scientific and intuitive techniques possible; and finally invest in everything but these companies. The same logic applies to Horse racing too - as well as Casinos.

If you want an irritating guest to never come to your house, best results can be obtained by inviting them over - and making all arrangements for their comfortable stay. If you want a child, then pop over to your neighbourhood drug store and procure the costliest condom.

If the world were really run like this, cars would fly, birds would swim and fishes would walk into clubs eating human fry. They don't do that.

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