Sunday, April 09, 2006

The Exorcist 5: Hail Singh

Arjun Singh is India's Human resources minister, responsible for the 49.5% reservation disaster.

Arjun Singh woke up one day at 9:00 am and went to his bathroom. He took out his twig (he does not use a tooth brush) and started brushing his teeth. He then looked at the mirror and there was something on his lip. It was a moustache that covered (symmetrically) one third of his upper lip. He then opened his left palm, and saw blood marks shaped like a reverse Swastika on it.

He wanted to shout out in agony in Hindi. (Something like "Behe* ?hod"). But the terms "Das ist mir scheißegal." were inadvertently blurted out of his mouth. It was pretty weird; he had never spoken in German before. He had, actually, flunked geography in school and was under the impression that Germany was one of India's southern neighbours, along with Finland.

Singh, at first did not like his new moustache. He had seen a movie starring Charlie Chaplin long ago - but he had never caught the humour. The moustache made him look like that B-Grade comedian.

He tried getting rid of it (the moustache) using scissors, but the damn thing would not budge. He tried using a knife. The strands of hair did not break. He then realized that the only way get rid of it was to cut his neck. But he was not that insane ...... yet.

At 12:00pm, after a hefty lunch of Paneer Parathas (imported from the USA) and Chicken Tikka masala and prawn spiked with beef and pork, he went to his office. He was early: he would usually be in his office by 2pm. His secretary greeted him with a smile and said "Namaste Mantriji", the usual greeting. But a voice from inside told Singh to pause and correct her. He said "Namaste Mantriji not. Hail Singh with salute!".

Singh then started taking policy decisions. He scribbled "99.5% reservations" on his notepad .. and started doodling on the same. He drew a house, a cow (which looked like a sad dog) and a dog. While he was doodling so enthusiastically, his pencil inadvertently drew a vertical line tangetial to the first 9 in 99.5%, making it look like a badly written 4. He then told his secratary to get him some concentrated orange juice. The term "juice" almost sounded like "jews".

What has happened to the Arjun Singh that we all know and love? Why is he possessed by this monster? What has the ghost of Adolf Hitler done to him? Is there any hope for the country, which has been placed under such a racist and bigoted order? Will we ever know?

Adolf Hitler had done his homework well. After Eva Brown shot him during one of their fights, Hitler decided that he was going to teach humanity a lesson. Humanity was in profusion in both India and China. He saw that the Communist government in China was teaching its people a lesson on a daily basis, and did not need any external help. India, on the other hand, was threatening to become a world power, a power with immense talent and a high morale. A power with brains, that might one day steer the world away from global warming. What better way to stifle this emerging power than remove whatever meritocracy there remained? All he had to do was complete what the ghost of General Dyer (another misanthrope, who had lost his soul when he committed the Jallianwalla Bagh Massacre) had done through the Mandal commission.

But Arjun Singh's inadvertent doodles had reduced it to 49.5%, necessitating the emergence of Idi Amin's ghost in the near future. But that is beyond the scope of this analysis.

After almost killing any justice in Mother India by passing the 49.5% reservation, Arjun Singh took a hacksaw and cut his neck (to get rid of that irritating moustache). The law had inspired him to cut his neck to solve the problem of his disgraceful moustache. His last words were, you guessed it, "Das ist mir scheißegal"!

P.S This post could have been called "The Exorcism of Arjun Singh", but the movie was so bad.








3 comments:

The Ignoramus said...

brilliant.

Akhilesh said...

It is ironic that this land of antiquated politicians who are on the verge of dying any moment is plagued by populism. You would not expect these people not to worry about their electoral future. But they do.

ARVIND said...

gud one dude.

hope he realises wht he's upto before it is too late,