Saturday, April 15, 2006

Exploiting Democracy: A peek at the government's future plans

An internal communication within the ruling congress party was intercepted. It distresses one and all that these are the people in charge of the bomb and responsible for a nation that is responsible for the future of the planet in many ways.

Dear Madam Sonia,

Politicians until now have avoided taking some bold populist measures. With electoral battles getting closer every election, we are proud to see that our political party has some up aces up its sleeve.

Print more money

The main problem with India is that poor people are poor. They have insufficient money with them. If money is distributed to everyone, everyone will have money. So, more money could be printed in the mints - and distributed to the masses. Now, everybody can buy food, and everybody will be happy. And to increase the efficiency further, leaves can be used instead of cash! (Borrowing an idea from the Hitch-Hiker's guide).

There will be a few (most probably educated) detractors. They might claim that this will result in rampant inflation - and that the common man will be no better off. These arguments might seem convincing, but the successful politician learns how to deal with such sophistry. All one needs to do is to call these people elitists - and point out that these people do not have the interests of the common people at heart.

Legalize, nay, make compulsory copying in Examinations:

The masses are not intelligent enough to work hard for exams; they are more given into smoking bidis before the same. Since only a small proportion (the "elite") can perform well, it is unfair to discriminate against others - for no fault of their own. It is wise to propose that a level playing field be established in the examination hall by allowing the transfer of data from one answer paper to another.

Students unwilling to share information with others should be disallowed from taking the examination and should be imprisoned for a month. Such a fine will act as a deterrent to these anti-social tendencies.

Such policies have yielded extensive electoral success to the Mulayam Singh and the Rabri Devi governments.

Allow Encroachment

Occasionally, the Indian Railways tries to get rid of people who dwell close to the railway tracks. It is proposed that Indian Railways be forced to allow these encroachments. Any deaths that result can be banned from the Hindi / Local media, so as to stem the propagation of news. It is important to preserve the notion that the nation enjoys a free press, though - for any repression would hurt electoral fortunes.

The stories may be shown on English media, since the elitists won't vote for us anyway.

Land Reform

A cue must be taken from Mugabe's Zimbabwe. Rich land owners and home owners constitute a very small proportion of the electorate. The poor masses comprise a larger chunk. It is proposed that the poor be urged to usurp the land of the rich man - and that the constitution be amended to allow what would currently be considered an transgeression of the Indian Penal Code. The rich man will not vote for us anyway, being an elitist. It is the poor we are worried about.

Will these measures not dry up electoral funding?

Before embarking on any of these revolutionary measures, it is proposed that the party procure large orchards everywhere - so as to possess ample leaves - thereby doing away with the need for electoral funding of any sort.

Yours Sincerely,

Manmohan Singh

Prime Minster and Chief Populist
Republic of India

1 comment:

Akhilesh said...

Populism MUST be balanced by balancing the budget. Each government must be financially accountable for its populism!

We also note that democracy has an implicit (invisible hand?) accountability factor: people will vote you out if your economic policies result in long term hardship.

The suggestions in this article are pure sophistry. The democratic system has ample checks and balances to ensure that the system does not degrade to chaos - contrary to my suggestions earlier.

India is a vibrant democracy. There's nothing wrong with our democracy. I am proud of it. It is indeed a modern marvel; a source of immense confidence to other chaotic nations in the dark continent and sout-east Asia.