Thursday, January 12, 2006

Of Mosquitoes And Nations

His Omnipotency found the planet Earth drifting out of control, and decided to decide what to do about it. He recruited a troupe of mosquitoes and sent some to every nation he thought was of concequence to "test the waters". This is the story of those awful winged critters and how governments reacted to them.


The mosquitoes had a tough time flying over the great wall of China, but they never forgot that they were God's critters. They, after a lot of toil, made it to the other side. The females started stinging people as they went around. This did not go unnoticed. A few government officials were monitoring the mosquitoes, and they made their reports to the overlords at Bejing. A few journalists also saw the mosquitoes and were about to report the same in the next morning's news papers.

Of course, the government killed all the journalists and never ever admitted that there was anything wrong with the Nation at all. Anyone who missed the journos was told that they died of mosquito bite. The head of the state hailed the Mosquitoes (only privately, though) as a gift from God to reduce the population. Since these mosquitoes were not capable of killing anyone, the only way the population was in control was by the state when it killed the "enlightened" journalists.


The invasion of the mosquitoes was shown on all Channels on TV, right from MTV to C-Span. Bill O'rielly expressed outrage at this, and Stephen Colbert said that bears were worse. The army was rushed in, tanks were fired, a nuclear bomb was dropped on each of the mosqutoes obliterating the same (while they were still on international waters, exposing Cuba to deadly radiation) except for a few which were retained for research on stem cells.


U.S reckoned that Iran was harboring the mosqutos and decided to attack them. Ahmednijad, of course, denied that mosqitoes could ever cause malaria (stating that all the malaria cases in the world were a myth). To prove this, he slept in a room with only mosqitoes in it. He died of dengue fever the next day. The US attacked Iran the next day, trying to find the mosquitoes. But since a bomb had been dropped on Ahmednijad's mosquito filled room obliterating his deceased body and all the mosquitoes, they could not find the same. Of course, a debate ensued in America regarding bad intellegence.


Some mosquitoes went to the southern Metropolis of Chennai and were immediately killed by the high temperatures and Humidity. Some went to Delhi, where enthusiastic journalists conducted sting operations of them, adding some irony. The mosquitoes were then broadcast on National TV. They were remanded in judicial custody, and their trial date was set 50 years later. Some mosquitoes went to Bihar and bit two people, one lower caste and another upper caste. Of course, a civil war erupted between the Ranvir Sena and the Maoists. God was pleased with the mosquitoes for this. He had been trying to get rid of these organizations for a very long time.

N. Korea

A massive famine was averted in North Korea. This was hailed as a blessing from God. Mosquito fries became very popular. Since cooking killed pathogens, if any, the only worry that Kim-Jong-Il had now was corpulence, and of course, the US nuking him for "breeding agents of bio-terror".


The mosquitoes added to the already prevalent malaria pandemic in Africa and killed the entire aids ravaged continent.

God was so upset with this that he took a Gun and shot himself. He then went to hell, wrecking the entire balance between good and bad.

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